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Cultures Intertwined: Extending Newark Academy's Legacy

(6/2002) - The first thing you notice when you meet Reena, Lisa and Tina Shah are their similarities. The three sisters sit together on the couch in their parents’ living room with bare feet tucked under petite, denim-clad legs. They talk over each other excitedly and often finish each other’s sentences. But as they continue to talk, what becomes evident is that these three women who share the same family, the same cultural background and at the moment the same living room couch, are poised to take three distinct and different paths. Each morning the sisters commute into New York City together and when they get off the train, each heads in a very different direction.

The directions they have taken with their careers and with their personal lives could not have been imagined by their father when he arrived in New Jersey in 1975. Like many South Asian men of his generation, Dr. Shah traveled to the United States to pursue professional opportunities. His wife from a traditional arranged marriage remained in India with his parents. Once Dr. Shah had secured a residency in psychiatry at The University of New Jersey and a small apartment in Irvington, his wife followed him to start their new life together. A year later Reena was born, followed by Lisa, Tina and their brother Deepen.

In the early 1980s, there were few South Asian families in the area but the Shahs were determined to pass the values of their Indian heritage on to their children. They enrolled their daughters in Indian dancing lessons. On weekends and on holidays, the Shahs gathered with the small community of South Asian families throughout New Jersey for dancing and Hindi singing. For Dawaii, the celebration of the New Year, a gymnasium would be rented for “Garba” dancing. The Shahs would don traditional dress and attend these functions while their classmates went to the movies and hung out at the mall.

“Our life at home was a different world,” said Lisa of the gap between her lifestyle and that of her friends. For months at a time, the family would travel to India, something their friends had a hard time understanding. Reena remembers coming home to the confused faces of her classmates when she displayed her henna-adorned hands. She was the only South Asian student in her school until the fifth grade.

Lisa also remembers having the only South Asian face in her classrooms. “In history class when we would get to the chapter on India, everyone would look right at me expecting me to be the expert on the subject,” she said.

This was part of her motivation to attend Newark Academy. She knew of other South Asian students who attended Newark and felt she would be more accepted in that environment. She realized immediately that she was right. She was embraced by her fellow students and teachers and felt a part of the community. Lisa became involved with lyric singing and community service and competed on the field hockey and volleyball teams.

Reena transferred to Newark Academy her junior year and spent her last two years of high school playing lacrosse and volleyball, and participating in advanced acting and lyric singing. She felt that at Newark her uniqueness was celebrated.

Tina followed her sisters, entering Newark Academy in the ninth grade. She enjoyed her participation with the Lyric Singers and her work as a peer leader.

The adjustment was difficult for their parents as they watched their daughters blend into their American lifestyles. Dating for example was out of the question. In India, the only reason to date was to prepare for marriage. Compared to many of their Indian-American friends, however, the Shahs were liberal. They were always supportive of their children’s decisions, even when they did not agree with them.

After graduating from Newark Academy, Reena applied to New York University’s (NYU) Stern Business School, influenced by her parents’ ambitions for her to become financially secure. Fortunately for Reena, whose heart was set on acting, she did not get in. She enrolled instead at NYU in their general studies program and pursued a career in public relations for the entertainment industry. It was then that she knew her dream was to perform in front of the cameras rather than behind the scenes.

Her parents were skeptical. As an Indian woman, what roles would be available to her? Reena was nervous herself. Rarely did she see a South Asian actress on television or in a movie. At first Reena answered casting calls for roles calling specifically for women who looked like her. It was remembering Mr. Jacoby at Newark Academy who made her question her strategy. In her senior year, he had cast her in the role of “Blanche” in A Streetcar Named Desire. Reena felt that if he had been able to imagine her in the role, certainly others would see past ethnicity and focus on talent.

Today Reena’s resume includes a role in the independent film, Following Bliss, which was screened in January. Reena plays “Abby,” a character not intended to be South Asian. At the same time, she appeared in American Chai as a South Asian woman involved in an interracial relationship. She was also the assistant choreographer for the film The Guru. Currently she is writing a one-woman show that tells her life’s journey through music, story and dance and can be seen in a production of Kalighat at the Nagelberg Theater in New York.

Lisa also entered college with plans to study business. On a trip to New England to visit the “big name” colleges her parents had in mind for her, Lisa decided to stop by Wellesley. She had never heard of the college but wanted to see it because she had been award the Wellesley Book Award at NA. She fell in love with the college and despite her friends’ uncertainty of attending a women’s college, enrolled.

Lisa majored in economics but felt most rewarded by her work on an independent project on the history of South Asian women in the United States. After landing what she calls “the Indian dream job” in finance, she realized that this was not what she wanted. She had acquired an interest in learning and teaching South Asian culture while researching her college independent project and decided to make it a career. Today she works for The Asia Society, fundraising and developing programs for young professionals. Her job has given her the opportunity to meet Shri Atal Bihari Vajpayee, the Prime Minster of India, and President Clinton. Through her career, she is able to continually learn about her heritage.

Tina attended NYU and studied finance and information systems at the Stern Business School. She loved the diversity of the city as well as its proximity to her parents’ home. While at NYU, she continued to pursue a cappella singing and, with a friend, discovered the uniqueness of her talents in both Hindi and American music. They decided to fuse the two genres and founded NY Masti, an all-female Hindi/English a cappella group. The group now performs across the country. But unlike her sisters, Tina is pursuing a career in business. Currently she is an analyst with Bank of America and loves what she does.

The fact that all three sisters have pursued interests that intertwine their American and Indian lifestyles comes as no surprise. They have always felt “caught between two worlds” a phrase they repeat often. As different and misunderstood as they felt in their American classrooms, it was sometimes even harder to fit in with their relatives in India.

Lisa, who just returned from a trip to India, explained that “they feel sorry for me because I ‘have’ to work. They don’t understand that this is what I want.” They have also felt misunderstood by their relatives who think that life has been so easy for them in America. They see their parents’ comfortable home and “they forget about the struggles and hard work and the tiny apartment our parents started out in,” say Reena. They know that their family is disappointed that they do not speak fluent Gujarati and fear that important aspects of their culture are being forgotten.

“This is a very exciting time for South Asian culture,” said Tina. She explained that as more South Asians have established themselves in the U.S. professionally, their traditions and customers have become more intertwined with American culture. First generation Indian-Americans like Reena, Tina and Lisa Shah are learning to mix the two cultures together. Many are not pursuing the paths their parents intended for them or marrying the people their parents would like them to marry. They are the challenging the taboos of their parents who will not discuss controversial topics like sex, drugs or even divorce.

After a summer sharing a one bedroom apartment in New York City, the Shah sisters have found themselves living at home again. Their parents are proud of their successes. They hope that one day they will marry Gujarati men who practice the Jain religion and come from respectable families. Each sister says that she would like to pass her heritage on to her own children some day. “I am grateful for the Indian values my parents instilled in me such as respect for family and education,” said Tina.

The Shah sisters know that living together is a temporary situation. Eventually they will head their separate ways. But for right now, they are just enjoying the ride.