(5/2004) - “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.” The Irish Proverb came to mind as girls and adults gathered in the school living room to hear about the wrenching terrorist attacks on this country. Together, as we articulated our shock and our anger, we confirmed the power of collective spirit, determination, and resilience. Confronted with unfathomable loss, we knew that our country would prevail. In community, we performed the ancient task of teaching the next generation that hope and trust are stronger than hate.

Perhaps it took the image of America uniting after tragedy for us to understand how important it is to resist the loss of community in contemporary culture. Recent studies argue that Western societies have experienced a noticeable decrease in social capital or social connectedness over the past few decades. Suburban sprawl, busy parents, and the scatter of extended families have reduced the time we spend together and imperiled our collective strength.

And now researchers tell us that the rise in social disconnectedness parallels the rise in children's anxiety. How could it be otherwise? When our communities weaken, the individuals in them first become distrustful, then anxious. Young people need sustained, healthy interactions in order to learn how to trust themselves and others.

Adding to the rise in anxiety is girls' awareness that we expect more of them than ever before. In The Hurried Child, David Elkind says that today's youngsters are the “unwilling, unintended victims [of] constantly rising expectations.” As a result-oriented society, we are fixated on high growth rate and strong performance as we try to compensate for the fractures in our collective life. These goals may be perfect for the GNP, but they are not sufficient for adolescents trying to become effective and balanced adults.

We are all familiar with the demands placed on young people. We expect high achievement, high test scores, admission to elite colleges, and early steps toward a brilliant career. At one time, the important challenges of school were tempered by the warmth of family and the relaxation of unscheduled time with friends. Now, every minute not in school is scheduled. The bewildering changes in our society leave us with kids who sometimes seem to be drowning in a sea of adult requirements.

Even without the added pressure from this culture, adolescence is an uneasy time. Think of what a girl will accomplish between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. She must establish an identity, become independent from parents, learn about relationships, clarify ethical positions, grow physically, overcome awkwardness, deal with peer pressure, and maneuver through the social land mines, confronting sex, drugs, and our media-fired culture. Then, of course, she's expected to excel in Biology, Calculus, and U.S. Government and compete in team sports. Add onto that list getting into her first-choice college and keeping her room clean, and we will acknowledge that there is a lot to be uneasy about.

But a girl should not have to absorb all of the worries of the adult world just to grow up. She should not have to experience life as an unrelenting test in order to achieve. A strong community guided by wise and caring adults will empower her genius. It will let her know that she is not the only person who has ever encountered difficulty and frustration. It will connect her to others who have met serious challenges and accomplished great works. She will learn to trust the sufficiency of her person, and she will develop a purpose that is greater than herself. Instead of feeling small and anxious, she will be expansive and confident. She will relax and work from inside herself. She will do everything she needs to do and more.